thoughts

I have had a lot of stuff running around in my head. Some nights it has been hard to sleep because there are so many thoughts in my head it hurts to close my eyes. Some of the thoughts are about my children and some about my husband. Sometimes I am worrying about a friend or the children of my friends. It is all normal stuff that everyone worries about. Some times I wonder if life wouldn't be better if we sold the house, moved out to the country and raised goats. I guess it is a good thing I don't like nature otherwise I may have to pedal harder to keep the electricity up to power my computer. Speaking of computers.....we are looking at getting Emma a lap top for her birthday. It is all pretty scary stuff. There are so many things to take into account and comparisons get close to impossible. Ben is being really good about the whole thing and taking it very seriously. Not sure whether to get her a lap top or a normal computer. Personally I am a fan of the non moveable computer where she will have to sit nice and out in the open when she plays on the computer. In her defense I have never come across a child who is less into doing deceitful stuff. Alex I wouldn't trust not to down load something wrong as soon as my back was turned but Emma just doesn't seem to get the point. She plays her facebook games and only goes to the preapproved places and always asks permission to do something new. Obviously they must have switched her at birth because I have no idea where this need to follow rules comes from. Just having a drink or seven because it is Saturday night and I can.

General meandering thoughts, just needed to get a few out before bed time. It was that or have my head explode.
Love to all I care about and great big raspberries to those I don't
Dan

A funny week

This week has been full of some of the most amazing highs and horrible lows. Had the harrowing experience of my first corporate job. Nearly went insane trying to make sure it was a job done to a high standard while having moved so far out of my comfort zone it wasn't funny. It was really scary but when finished it was such a buzz. Then to put the icing on the cake (an appropriate saying I feel) one of the cupcakes turned up on Sunrise, which was a bit of a thrill. It was a bit mangled by the time it turned up on tele but I suppose it had been rolling around in Kochie's car and that can't be helped.
I had a magnificent time at the movies with my friends. I love my friends. The movies were great and I love the Twilight stories. The romance and heartbreak of youth. God I'm glad I am not there anymore. Jacob reminds me of Ben. Okay he may never have had the abs but he has always been my personal sun. The new movie was beautiful and I enjoyed it but the whole experience was enhanced by seeing it at midnight with my friends. It wouldn't have been so special without them. Sad that my lovely Relle didn't get to see it with us (again) and I hope her family all feel better very soon.
My beautiful Emma did her Confirmation on Thursday night. I am so proud of her. She picked a lovely dress to wear that was both appropriate for the occasion and elegant enough to show off her sense of style. She was a little nervous but managed to hold it all together and have a great evening. Okay so I worked out at the end of the evening that she had been wearing her cardigan upside down the whole time but nobody else knew so what the heck.
Did the sport carnival today. Well I say I did the sports carnival but really all I had to do was be there to cheer the kids on and have a big wave and a smile for the little ones and some tissues for the older ones. I have my two and Jessie's two to wave at and Jess has my two and her two and it all works out in the end. Jess was keeping an eye on the little ones and I was watching the older two. Emma ran her race and I noticed at the end that she was hugging Sharon. I watched for a bit and Sharon noticed and motioned that I needed to come over. Emma was in tears. It had been a long term (11 weeks), she was up late the night before with confirmation, she hates running and to top it all off she was hormonal. Em was certain they weren't going to make her run then all of a sudden she got thrown into the race. It all became too much by the end of 100 metres and she burst into tears. I got over there and gave her a hug and told her everything would be okay but by then her best bud Alyssa was also in tears. The two of them are so in sync that they both just lost it together. They are such beautiful girls and have lovely friends. Their friends were worrying and trying to make them feel better and the two of them were in tears and I was trying to hug them both at once and they are both nearly the same height as me yet trying to curl in and have a good sob. It must have looked rediculous. The girls were all hovering around fretting and the boys were all looking from a distance not sure what to do. I nearly burst out laughing, thinking it wasn't going to get any easier for the boys to understand it all. The two little ones did well in their races and were generally happy with the day, so that was a wonderful part of the day. I got to drive all the kids home in the afternoon and it was all so silly in the car that I haven't laughed so hard in ages. I love the joy of children. There is nothing like it.
Bad part of the week. One of my favourite teachers has had a terrible moment in her life. Leah is one of those rare people who make such a huge difference to the children she comes in contact with. She is a beautiful soul. Today her husband passed away. I don't think there is anything more to say. She has been blessed with three beautiful children who will grow up without the father that loved them so dearly. My heart breaks for her and her children. Such a waste of a good man. So many people leave the world never having made it a better place, yet good, kind people are taken away so soon. The school feels it is inappropriate to organise some sort of fund raiser or event because they don't want to show favouritism when there are needy families in the community. They have failed to come to grips with the fact that there are people in the school community who need to have a way to show their love and support for someone who has put so much love and support into our community.
So now I sit here having a bottle or two of wine and a good cry trying to count all my blessings and put my feelings down on the current equivalent of paper. I have had the most amazing highs and horrible lows this week. My psychiatrist would probably recommend more drugs. This is life in its extemes. Anyone who is able to read this is obviously someone I value and love. I wish for you all the highs and joy life can bring and not so many of the lows. I guess you can't truely appreciate the wonderful moments without knowing the possibilities of pain and loss. I still wish you love and happiness.
xxxx

New Years Eve

That time of year has come back around. The old year is finishing and the promise of a bright, sparkly new year is full of hope and possibility. The new year could hold any number of wonders and delights. If we look at previous form it is more likely to hold a shovel load of shit but none of it has happened yet. It is 1:45 in the morning on New Years Eve and I can't sleep. Damn it. So I thought I may as well get up and blog a little.

I love the promise of a pristine new year. Nothing has gone wrong in 2010. No one has been hurt, caused my loved ones pain, or been an asshole in 2010. 2009 may have been full of stupid people who need a good smack in the head but none of them have interfered with my 2010. I feel full of hope that by some miracle I can remove all the crap of 2009 and move into a shiney new year. I recognise that unless the earth chooses to open up and selectively swallow certain people I will have to continue to deal with them but perhaps now that I am a year older I may have been granted the wisdom and calm to deal with all things insane. I stand on the threshold of a beautiful new year and looking out across the time span is like seeing a snow field of fresh snow unsullied by man. Looking back at the year behind me I see the path that I have travelled, all the wonderful stops along the way where I got to share so much love, joy and happiness with my family and friends. True there are a couple of spots where some idiot has tried to urinate their name in the snow, but all in all a good year and definately more love than piss.

So what have I learnt this year? What can I take from the mistakes and trials of this year and turn into lessons to help me grow?

1. I have learnt that Ben will divorce me if I add another animal to the household.
2. I have learnt the he probably doesn't mean it because he loves the dog just as much as the rest of us.
3. I have learnt that while I love my cats they are mine. It took the dog for Alex to find great love and happiness from a pet.
4. I have learnt that you can buy happiness. It comes in a little tablet and costs about $30 a month.
5. I have learnt that I need to practise saying "no".
6. I have learnt that sometimes things that I spend months worrying about turn out to be a tiny bump in the road and weren't that bad after all.
7. I have learnt that my children are amazing and never to underestimate how great they are.
8. I have learnt that I am a lot more creative than I give myself credit for.
9. I have learnt that I would never have become the person I am today if my husband hadn't been such a loving and supportive man.
10. I have learnt that I really like my husband. I know it's not something that should be admitted in certain circles but there you have it, oh and I like spending time with him too.
11. I have learnt that it is possible to find a job you really love.
12. I have learnt that good friends are something special to treasure and that they make your life a lot more interesting, a little scary sometimes but definately more interesting.
13. I have learnt that you can buy three flagons of sherry at 9:00am from Dan Murphy's but the staff will offer you a straw.
14. I have learnt that my favourite lounge was in fact edible.
15. I have learnt that you can have rainbow snot if you use enough petal dust.
16. I have learnt that no matter how much you may want to you can't smack the stupity out of someone. While I am fairly certain it would feel great to give it a try it just isn't a long term solution, and you aren't supposed to be as stupid as they are.

So that's what I've come up with while I sit here pondering life, the universe and everything. I admit I have no better answer than 42, so for now I may as well stick with that. On the other hand anyone that has bothered to make it this far into my ramblings can feel free to make a contribution to the lessons of 2009. I look forward to knowing what other lessons can be obtained from the year gone by.

I hope your new year is as magical and wonderous as it promises to be. May your glass always be full and your hangovers minimal.

Dan xxx

cool photo

If you look carefully you can see that Alex is shooting water straight into the dogs mouth. I really liked this photo so thought I would share.

Dan xxx

Nearly there

Not long now and it will be Christmas day. Have started getting ready to have friends over for New Years Day. Then I get to kick back and enjoy the school holidays with the kids. So far it has been nice to have Ben home for a change. Normally he works every day except for the public holidays but this year he has decided to take some time off work. He has been really motivated and has been tidying up in the house and in the front yard. He put a nice wood panel up out the front and after it was done we had the joy of sitting in the lounge room listening to the spac next door going off her tree. 'Tis the season to be jolly.



Have discovered that while a $2 bottle of wine is a very drinkable proposition the $1.99 stuff is crap. Apparently that extra 1c makes a difference. Who would have thought that 1c could still be so important? Mind you I have 2 boxes of the stuff. Will we be flushing it down the loo? Gosh no! By the third bottle for the evening it tastes great. Lets be honest one of my friends adds lemonade to her red wine, so if I'm cracking a bottle with her I am certainly not going to break out the good stuff.

Went out for the work Christmas party last night. Had an absolute ball. The restaurant was in Parramatta and was called Inside Out. The food was magnificent. Expensive but magnificent. Fortunately my incredibly generous employers paid for the evening so Ben and I had a lovely meal, a lot of laughs and generally a great evening and only had to pay for our parking. Cool huh? Ben offered to let me drink and he would drive but as I am really attached to my job I thought it best I not drink. The problem with Ben drinking was that when we got home we started having bizarre conversations. We started chatting about my password that I used for the Bank. I had rung them that morning to find out whether or not they were planning on giving me back the money that had been stolen from my Visa card. Apparently when we joined the bank I had given them a word that I could use so that I was allowed to speak to a human being on the phone about my account. I had forgotten about this so I had to guess. Fortunately it was a good guess and therefore they were able to tell me that they really had no idea how things were going and I would just have to wait. For reasons that I can't quite remember right now I decided to tell Ben about the Bank conversation at 1:ooam after he had consumed vast amounts of alcohol. So instead of having a sensible conversation we got a bit sidetracked over the whole issue of the password. He accused me of having a boring and predictable password. Ben felt that if a word had to be provided to your financial institution then it should be incredibly random and put the person on the other end of the line on edge. Some of the suggestions were:

Blood lust
Random stabbing
Loading guns
Fight club
Killer instinct
Death to bankers
Drug run
Counterfeit money
Buildings burn
I can see you
Psycho
Toungie

You get the drift. We spent the wee hours of the morning giggling away because of all the stupid little phrases that we felt should be used for passwords.

So that's my life up to now. I have to go finish doing my baking so that I am ready for Christmas. I hope you all have a joy filled Christmas and that your families are good to you. If they aren't we still have the list.

Love to you all. Dan xxxx

Frazzled

Feeling a little over everything. Both my little beautiful babies seem to be okay at the moment, which I am truely thankful for. They both have stuff going on which makes life interesting. I have a lot of doctors appointments at the moment, which I am a bit over. Have to book myself into hospital which is a little worrying. Not sure how to discuss it with the kids. Alex gets so worried about everything and Emma bottles stuff. Haven't got up the nerve to discuss it with them yet. Booked in for my MRI on the school holidays, hope they find my brain. So many appointments and so many people relying on me to be a grown up. Must stop blogging when I am drunk. Must stop getting drunk to make the world go away.

finished for the term

I know there is still one more week of school for the kids but for me the last cake walked out the door this morning and I won't have any more cakes until next term. The beer mug cake turned out to be popular, which was to be expected. The wedding caked was eventually picked up and the bride was happy with it, I'm just happy it's gone, although I never truely feel finished until the last of the leftovers are out of the house. Thank heavens I have so many people prepared to help me out with clearing the left overs.

Emma seems to be just fine. I talked to her about the blood from her arm and she said that hadn't bothered her. Perhaps it just took a while for her brain to catch up. I sat her down to have a very serious talk about the fact that worms couldn't possibly come out of her arm (all the mums were having a joke while she was bleeding) but apparently she didn't hear any of it. She did think the idea was funny when I told her and didn't faint again so I'm guessing that hasn't bothered her at all. The fact that she didn't remember any of the conversation we were all having around her while she was bleeding possibly indicates her mind was a little more focused on the blood than she thought. I got a couple of phone calls from people who had driven by and saw her down and one of the neighbours kids popped over to check she was okay. By Monday morning everyone in the school should know that Emma fainted, hope the gossip doesn't go insane. Alex is just so relieved that he isn't going to loose his sister, he had got a little teary when we picked up the car and was telling me that he would really miss Emma if she was gone. I swear that child is slightly South American, he jumps to panic so quickly, she fainted but he is starting to work himself into a panic that she was going to die. Thankfully everything is all fine now.

For those of you with a long car trip on the way, I found a really cool puzzle at Big W. It was in with the books and is called "IQ Challenge" it is one of those write on wipe off jobs. It has a pen and cleaning cloth packed in the box and the box itself is sturdy enough to use as a little table. The kids have been enjoying the puzzles and they come in a range of levels to keep them thinking for a while. It was only $10, so I am considering going back up there and getting another one for Emma's classroom.

Hope everyone is looking forward to the school holidays as much as I am.

Dan xxx