blethers

It is late on Friday evening, possibly even early Saturday morning and I am waiting for Benjamin to finish being out. I thought I was without red wine but desperation led me to find a cask of ghastly stuff that was tucked away for the purposes of camping. I needed it for medicinal purposes only. Honest. I promise.

I find myself sitting and contemplating how a girl ends up looking at life and wondering "what the hell happened there?". I recognise that life invariably ends up looking less like the fairy tales we are fed as children and more like a Tarantino film but still there are some moments that you have to sit back use a few expletives and wonder where you went wrong. The worst bit is that I love huge sections of my life while still recognising that my life has a few major problems. Hmmm what to do? Wine certainly helps. Happy pills help if I remember to take them.

I turn 40 in two weeks and frankly I just don't know if I can be bothered. I so very much wanted to be going to Hong Kong and I am thoroughly disappointed that we are not. All the sensible bits of me kept saying it was a small chance and not to pin hopes on it. I have put my business on hold for this and now it is off. Worse still the kids got wind of it and I have finally sold them on the idea that it could be a good thing and now the option is gone. Should have known that a glimmer of hope never turns into anything.